Stop Self-Sabotage and Take Control of Your Life featuring Matthew Kelly
“You cannot become the best version of yourself unless you wake up every morning ready to slay resistance. Resistance stands between you and happiness.”
In this episode of Lead with Culture, Matthew Kelly, Founder of Floyd Consulting and author of several best-selling books, outlines four key strategies to overcome resistance: managing stress, abolishing 'if only' thinking, owning our feelings, and developing a grounding habit. Host Kate Volman builds on these insights, further exploring how recognizing self-sabotaging patterns can inspire routines that support our dreams and guide us toward becoming our best selves.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- Eliminating "if only" thinking
- Identifying and managing your stress triggers
- Developing a grounding habit
Things to listen for:
(00:00) Intro
(02:25) Four strategies to overcome resistance
(03:15) Reflecting on personal resistance
(06:24) The power of grounding habits
(08:36) Identifying areas of self-sabotage
Resources:
Connect with the Host & Floyd Coaching:
Transcript
And you know what's crazy? We feel the resistance more often when we are pursuing what is meant for us, when we are pursuing those big dreams, those ideas that we've thought about for years and we finally start taking those steps towards it. It can be scary. This is Lead with Culture. I'm Kate Volman and this is a Matthew Kelly episode. So we're going to hear a little bit from Matthew about how to stop self sabotag yourself and take control of your life. The reason why this topic is so important is because we recognize this in a lot of our clients. A lot of the leaders that we get to work with, they start self sabotaging. They have these really big dreams and then they start to put obstacles in the way where they don't need to be.
Kate Volman [:It's such an internal challenge that we all go through. We all go through this, right? Like we have these ideas we have, we know what we should be doing. We know we need to get up and get to work and do the things that are going to help us become the best version of ourselves. And yet so often we will procrastinate. We'll get fear and doubt and overwhelm and anxiety and just imposter syndrome. And all of these things get in the way of achieving the dreams that we know are meant for us. So let's hear what Matthew has to say about how to stop self sabotaging yourself.
Matthew Kelly [:Do you ever feel like you're sabotaging yourself? Resistance can be a big part of that. Resistance wears a thousand masks, many of which are so effective we don't even recognize resistances behind them. Laziness, procrastination, fear, doubt, instant gratification, self loathing, indecision, escapism, pride, self deception, friction, tension and self sabotage are just some of the ways resistance manifests its ugly self in our lives and causes us to settle for so much less than we were created for. You cannot become the best version of yourself unless you wake up every morning ready to slay resistance. Resistance stands between you and happiness. Here are four ways to break through resistance and stop sabotaging yourself. One, be mindful when you're stressed, anxious or overtired and learn ways to manage these states. Two, abolish if only thinking from your mind and from your life.
Matthew Kelly [:Three, whatever you're feeling, name it and own it. You are not your feelings, but if you avoid them, they will destroy you. And four, develop one grounding habit that you do every day and never miss it. Run, walk, read, meditate, find your one thing and ingrain it deep into your daily routine. And remember, don't just be yourself, become the best version of yourself.
Kate Volman [:Okay, so which of these four ideas resonated with you the most? Which one really hit you and you thought, oh my gosh, Matthew, you're speaking directly to me. And maybe it was all four of them, or maybe one or two of them really hit you more than the others. But it's so important for us to recognize when we might be having some self sabotaging behavior. I love how he starts off talking about the resistance and we have to be ready to slay the resistance every morning. And it's so true, right? Because we have these dreams, we know it needs to be done and yet we'll sit down at our desk or we'll go into a meeting or we'll do whatever it is that we know we need to be doing. But instead of doing the thing, maybe scroll on social media, we, we go check our email, we do anything other than the action we need to take to move us forward, to move us in the direction of our dreams. I love that he talked about abolish if only thinking, if only thinking. This is something we see in some of our clients.
Kate Volman [:If only I had more resources, if only I had more money, if only I was in a different situation, if only I had made this other decision in the past. And we get so stuck in that if only thinking. So if you're in a place where you're thinking, if only, if only I had fill in the blank, whatever it is you think you need, what if instead we flip that switch? Because if only thinking is disempowering. So instead, how can we empower ourselves? We can empower ourselves by switching it into recognizing what you do have control over. What is my simple next step? What do I have control over? What are the things in my life that I'm grateful for that I can leverage to support me in my dreams? And when we focus on those things now, we start to see some opportunities now we start to shift our mindset a little bit, we become more grateful and we start to, to see what we're able to actually use that we have now, those skills, those resources. And if we're thinking, if only if we had made different decisions in the past, which we all know we can't go back to the past, but we can make a different decision today. So what decision can you make today? I'm always thinking about my future self, right? Like what will my future self thank me for? What decision can I make today? That 10 years from now, 20 years from now, that version of me is going to look back and say thank you, thank you for making that decision. And you know what? They're going to thank you for showing up for yourself, for doing the thing you said you were going to do, for not breaking your promises to yourself.
Kate Volman [:I also love that Matthew encourages us to have one grounding habit. What is your one grounding habit? What is the one thing that you do every day? Every single day, whether it's praying or reading, journaling, walking, working out, playing piano, writing, whatever it is, what is that grounding habit for you? And this does so many things. It grounds us in a lot of different ways. It also reminds us that we can be disciplined in areas of our life. When we do something every day, it's that reminder that you don't break promises to yourself. You do this thing because you know, this one thing helps set you up for the day. Having a morning routine is so powerful. And this doesn't mean that you have to wake up at 4:30 or 5 in the morning.
Kate Volman [:If that's not your, that's not your thing. That's not what a morning routine mean. It just means when you wake up, what is the one thing that you do every morning that you know is going to set your day up for success, that you know is going to help you slay the resistance, as Matthew says? Because we all feel it. We all feel that resistance from time to time. And you know what's crazy? We feel the resistance more often when we are pursuing what is meant for us, when we are pursuing those big dreams, those ideas that we've thought about for years and we finally start taking those steps towards it. It can be scary. And because of that we feel that resistance, which is why we start procrastinating and we allow that negative self talk to stop us from doing the thing we know we need to do. And so having this morning ritual, call it a habit, call it a ritual, something that you do every single day to support you and your growth.
Kate Volman [:What is that for you? Maybe you have it. That's amazing. Maybe you want to add another component to it. And if you don't have it, what is it? What is the one thing that you can start doing today? So think about, in what areas might you be self sabotaging? Are you self sabotaging in your, in your physical life? Maybe through exercise you kind of just keep procrastinating. You say you want to get healthy and fit and you push it off because it's easier to push off or you're your spiritual side. Maybe you've talked about reading more or digging into the Bible or going to church or some type of spiritual practice that you've been putting off because you might be scared. What's on the other side intellectually, maybe? Is there an intellectual self sabotage where you might not be pursuing a new role or a job or a business that you want to start? Or maybe it's the emotional side of your life? Are you holding back some of those feelings that you want to have those conversations with the people in your life? You want to allow yourself to feel more? So what does that look like for you in your life? Where might you be self sabotaging? And how can you use what Matthew shared today to ensure that you're slaying the resistance every day, taking control back of your life and achieving your dreams? It's definitely worth thinking about meditating on and maybe even getting out a journal and doing some writing on it and see what shows up for you. I hope you found value in this episode and more importantly, I hope that you discovered some new ways for you to stay, stop self sabotaging so you can finally take control of your life and pursue your dreams.
Kate Volman [:Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. And until next time, lead with culture.
