4 Strategies to Conquer Perfectionism and Achieve Your Goals

Kate Volman [: 00:00:00

So often we don't start something because we're not good at it. And of course, we're not good at it cause we've never done it before. When we're going into something new, if we have that perfectionist mindset, it stifles us. It holds us back from pursuing our dreams, from pursuing our passions, because we immediately wanna be good at something when in reality, it takes some time. This is Lead with Culture. I am Kate Volman, and on this episode, we're talking about how to overcome perfectionism. And it's a topic that we thought was interesting to explore because we work with a lot of leaders, and perfectionism shows up a lot in our coaching sessions. We sometimes feel very frozen when we're trying to make a decision, whether it's in our business or in our life.

Kate Volman [: 00:00:51

And part of that is because we feel like the decision that we are about to make, it needs to be perfect. Like, we have this idea of what life and our business should look like. And if it's not going to look that way, we hesitate. We procrastinate. And so often when we talk about procrastination, it really comes down to perfectionism. We want to know that we're doing the right thing, making the right decision, and of course, we want to make the best decision with the information that we have. But we can't allow perfectionism to get in the way of pursuing our dreams. So that's what this episode is about.

Kate Volman [: 00:01:27

I share four practical tips for a happier career and life. And the topic is really just overcoming perfectionism so that you can start to live your dreams, to pursue what really matters to you, to just get after it, to do the work that you were meant to do, and to build the business and the team and the community that you really want to build. So I hope you find this episode helpful. Are you a perfectionist? So many people are perfectionists, especially high achievers. We set these really high bar for ourselves, almost unhealthy because some of them are unattainable. We have this vision, these ideas of we have to have the perfect body or create the perfect presentation, write the perfect book, create the perfect video, have the perfect relationship, build the perfect life. But there's no perfect life. We know that perfect doesn't exist.

Kate Volman [: 00:02:27

And yet, so often, we're still striving for it, we're still going after it, which causes a lot of stress and anxiety. In my book, Do What You Love, I share the seven myths, stopping people from pursuing their passion, projects and dreams. Myth number six is it has to be perfect. It's a myth for a reason. It does not have to be perfect. So in this video, I wanted to share a few strategies to help us on our journey to pursue our dreams, knowing that we can achieve them and having fun along the way. So often we don't start something because we're not good at it. And of course we're not good at it because we've never done it before.

Kate Volman [: 00:03:06

When we're going into something new, if we have that perfectionist mindset, it stifles us. It holds us back from pursuing our dreams, from pursuing our passions, because we immediately want to be good at something when in reality it takes some time. And so here are a few strategies. If you're dealing with perfectionistic, I hope these help you on your journey. Number one is to embrace the process. We cannot control the outcome. And so often we get so attached to the outcome, right? It has to look a certain way. Our life needs to look a certain way.

Kate Volman [: 00:03:38

This project needs to have this very specific outcome. But we can't control the outcome, and we can't control how other people respond to the outcome. What we can control, we can control our effort. We can control how we show up. We can control doing the work and showing up every day. So when we can fall in love with process and fall in love with showing up every day and doing the work and putting in the work, even when things get messy, even when things get hard, knowing that everything that we're going through is helping us get to the other side, only by that can we have more fun doing it. Can we get over perfectionism when we can get comfortable being in the messy middle and we can get comfortable with mediocre work. Because let's face it, when we try something new and we've never done it before and we're not good at it, we have to be okay.

Kate Volman [: 00:04:26

That in that place of being mediocre, just in the beginning, we're not striving for mediocre, but we have to be okay when we start something new. That it's all about the learning process. It's all about the growth process. We shouldn't be fearing, making mistakes or looking stupid or anything that's involved in the creative process of building your dreams and building the life that you want. Only by putting ourselves in those challenging situations can we get the skills that we need to take those next steps forward. And so that's the first thing, is to embrace the process. Fall in love with the process. Number two is to practice mindfulness and acceptance.

Kate Volman [: 00:05:04

Perfectionism creates so much stress and anxiety. We get so caught up in this idea of it has to be perfect, and we need to look this certain way. How would your life look different if you accepted who you are exactly as you are today, where you are in the process? What if you believed that you are exactly where you are meant to be, going through exactly what you are meant to go through? Notice when perfectionism is stopping you from doing something and we know when it's happening, you might feel it. If you are about to post something, maybe you're gonna post a video or post an article or share something with your friend, some new project that you've been working on and you stop yourself from posting. A friend of mine called me the other day and she was sharing with me that she was working on something for a client for weeks and weeks and she was finished with it, but she could not let it go. She couldn't let it go. And so we had to talk through it because it was done. It was complete, it was beautiful work, but in her eyes, it wasn't perfect.

Kate Volman [: 00:06:03

And so she had to recognize and be mindful and allow herself to send it off and let it go. And guess what? The client loved it. And so we have to be very mindful and aware when we're dealing with perfectionism in our life. Number three, challenge your inner critic. We all have that inner critic. We get so caught up in what other people are going to think of us when we already have an inner critic that is mean enough to us that anyone else could be. We need to put that inner critic in check. What is your inner critic telling you? Our inner critic and perfectionism, they're like best friends.

Kate Volman [: 00:06:37

They love to play together in our minds, convincing us that, don't do this, you're going to look stupid. It's not ready. It's not the right time. You don't have the right equipment. All of the things that stop us because we're dealing with perfectionism, we can get so stuck in our heads, and so what is that inner critic telling you? And we've got to challenge it. We need to tell that inner critic to shut off. We need to turn it off. And one of the best ways that we can turn it off is simply by doing the work, by showing up every day and by moving forward.

Kate Volman [: 00:07:06

So my friend's example of getting the work out to the client, hitting send. When I wrote my book, I was such in this state of perfectionism that it was kind of like I kept reading it and reading it and I wanted to rework it, restructure, rewrite, and all of these pieces. And my publisher said to me, at some point, you've got to let it go. In my mind, it wasn't yet perfect, but it will never be perfect. In fact, I talked to so many different authors, and almost every single one of them has told me that when they read their books, if they read their past work, there's always pieces that they wish they would have changed. There's always pieces that, to them, are not perfect at all. Cause perfect doesn't exist. And number four is to ask for support.

Kate Volman [: 00:07:47

So many other people, your friends, your colleagues, are dealing with perfectionism. In my book, I talk about creative friends. We need creative friends because our creative friends are out there creating. They're pursuing their goals. Their passion is their dreams, and they know what it takes to do that. And they have to be getting over the seven myths that I share in my book, including perfectionism. So they know what it's like. They know what it's like to have the creative courage to go after your dreams.

Kate Volman [: 00:08:12

And so we need to surround ourselves with those kinds of people, because only they can help us get out of our own head and start to do the work and start to know and understand and believe that only by the process and allowing ourselves to get in that place of. Of being uncomfortable, can we start to get more comfortable being uncomfortable and get to the other side, to get to that dream that has been in our heart for probably longer than we care to admit. But things like perfectionism have stopped us. We have to build that support system. If you are dealing with perfectionism, I hope these strategies will help you in some way. I hope at least one of them resonated with you and encouraged you to either pick up the phone to call someone or to share something that you've had in your mind or that you've created in the past that you just haven't shared because of perfectionism. Give yourself grace. Remember, your only job is to show up and do the work.

Kate Volman [: 00:09:03

And when we know that, when we believe that, it becomes so much more fun to pursue our dreams, it becomes so much more fun to create, because we know that we can put in the effort that we need to in order to get better. And as long as we're getting better every day and growing, that's what matters. It's about progress over perfection. That's what we care about. When we can get better every single day, we feel good about that. We feel like we're making progress in our lives, and it'll encourage us to keep moving forward. And then we get to look at our dreams, to see our dreams, believe in our dreams, and go after them with our creative courage that we have inside of us. Sometimes we just gotta dig a little deeper to pull it out.

Kate Volman [: 00:09:47

And there you have it. I hope that you found some value in these tips. I'm sure that one of them might have resonated with you more than the other. And that is awesome because that is just data, that is feedback for you to dig into that one specific area in order for you to get better at overcoming perfectionism so that you can make better decisions and do the work that you're meant to do and pursue the dreams that are meant for you. Matthew Kelly said it best when he said, your dreams are yours for a reason. What are you doing about them? And when we allow perfectionism to get in the way, we're not pursuing what is meant for us. We're not pursuing dreams in our heart that we know are meant for us because they're there. They're sitting inside of us and they're there for a reason.

Kate Volman [: 00:10:32

They're not going away. And so we have to do something about them. So I hope you found this episode helpful. And hey, if you've never had a coach and you're wondering, you know, what would it be like to have a coach that I can not only confide in and talk through just all the things going on in my head, but also that's going to hold me accountable. Having a coach and having somebody there that's not only supporting you and pushing you and encouraging you, but who's holding you accountable to do the work that you are meant to do, to do the work that you say you want to do to fulfill your dreams. Having a coach also helps with this perfectionism challenge, right? Like, it helps us push forward so that it doesn't have to be perfect. It's all about the process, the progress that we make. And having a coach really supports that and helps push through those ideas and some of those perfectionism things that we might be dealing with.

Kate Volman [: 00:11:23

If you're interested in potentially having a coach, we would love to talk to you about what that would look like. You can go to floydcoaching.com and someone from our team will get in touch with you. Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. And until next time, Lead with Culture.