How to Eliminate the Expectations Gap featuring Matthew Kelly

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This is Lead With Culture. I'm Kate Volman, and on this episode we're hearing from Matthew Kelly on the topic of Expectations. So in his book, the Culture Solution, Matthew Kelly shares the six immutable principles of a dynamic culture. And principle number five is let people know what you expect,

So incredible. This is such an important piece. When you are building a dynamic culture, when you are, working towards becoming a better leader, is to really have those really clear expectations. So let's listen to what Matthew Kelly has to say about letting people know what you expect.

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It was a magical day. And as I was putting her to bed that night, I, I said to her, I said, Isabelle, did you have a great day today? And she started crying. She just burst into tears. I said, what's wrong, baby? She said, I got so many presents, but I, I didn't get the one thing I really wanted. I said to her, well, what was the one thing you really wanted?

And she told me about it, and it was like this little thing. It cost like $7. And I said to her, I said, baby, did you tell, did you tell mommy that you wanted that? She said, no. I said, did, did you tell me that you wanted that? Did I forget? She said, no. The hardest expectations to meet are the ones you don't even know about.

And here's the thing, everybody has expectations about everything. And so if you are in relationship with people, if you are leading people, if you're a managing a team, you've got to get clear about what your expectations are of them and what their expectations are of you. I encourage leaders if you, if you are, if you have direct reports, if people are reporting directly to you, I encourage leaders, take a blank sheet of paper and write down what it is you expect of that person.

Okay? Write that down. Give that person a blank sheet of paper and ask that person to write down what they think you expect of them. It's a mind boggling experience because what you will discover is there's an enormous gap almost every time. There's an enormous gap between what you expect of that direct report and what that direct report thinks that you expect of them.

But it's only by exploring these expectations that we can get on the same page, because if we don't get on the same page, what happens is a gap emerges. I call it the expectations gap. It's the gap that exists and grows between what people expect to happen and what actually happens. People have expectations about everything.

People have expectations about everything. They go in the grocery store, they buy washing detergent. They expect that the washing detergent will get their clothes clean if that doesn't happen. A gap emerges between what they expect to happen and what actually happens and what fills the gap. Something has to fill the gap.

And five things always fill the expectations gap, disappointment, resentment, anger, frustration and loss of trust. The expectations gap can kill a brand. Literally, you can take a billion dollar brand and the expectations gap could kill that brand in 72 hours. That's how powerful. The expectations gap is expectations.

Gap can kill a relationship. Any relationship, it can kill that relationship, and that's why it's so important to get clear about what we expect of other people, to invite other people to express to us what they expect of us in every relationship at work, at home, it's critically important that we let people know.

What we expect of them. There's a great kindness in that at work, every employee deserves to know where they stand. They should know are they succeeding or are they failing? Is the role of a leader to make sure that people know what is expected of them and whether they are meeting those expectations or failing to meet those expectations.

The fifth immutable principle of a dynamic culture, let people know what you expect.

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And we get a little upset with our partners or our friends or our family members. And it all comes down to expectations. And we're just not having the conversations around what it is that we expect and. This exercise that Matthew shared is so incredible. In fact, he talks about it in the book, the Culture Solution, and we've seen some of our clients they actually take the time to do the exercise and it is incredible the aha moments that come out of this simple exercise

you could do this exercise in 10 minutes, right? Like people can, sit down, write down what they believe is expected of them, the other person does the same, and then you get to come together and look at that list together. And this does a couple of things. Obviously it sheds light on those pieces of the expectation gap that Matthew was talking about.

And why is that important? That's important because now we get to be on the same page. And it gives us insight on how to better coach our people. Like when we do an exercise like this, we're getting to know the mindset of our people, like what do they believe is important? What do they believe is their role?

Even when we have our role descriptions and our scorecards, it's so important to continuously have the conversation of expectations. We have to come back to it. This is why we also talk about quarterly reviews and having these quarterly reviews because people should know what winning looks like.

Everyone in your organization should know what winning looks like. No one should go home from the office wondering, Ooh, am I doing a good job? Am I not? what is my leader thinking about me? If we're in that place, it causes a lot of anxiety and stress, and so we as leaders, we have to make sure that our people know that we're on the same page.

We know, Hey, if things aren't going great, that's okay. We're, working towards your growth and we're working on developing your skills and getting better. And if things are going well, awesome. If you're killing it at the office, you feel great. You and your leader are on the same page. we need to have that confidence, within ourselves and within the people that we are working with.

Everyone should feel good when they go home, to know that those expectations are being met, met. When we set clear expectations, we get to focus on the outcome instead of how someone gets there. and I love this because this is important too because oftentimes, people will be frustrated.

They're frustrated by their manager, right? There's a difference between a leader and a manager. They can be frustrated by their manager, especially micromanagers. 'cause micromanagers are managing how everything is getting done. Instead of focusing on the outcome, what is the expectation? Coaching leaders, great coaching leaders, they care more about the outcome.

Why? Because when we hire great people, we're hiring them for their skillset. We're hiring them for their skills. We trust that when we hire them, they can do the job that they were hired to do, which is more important than. How they get it done, obviously, as long as they're doing it ethical and in, in alignment of your values, of course.

But that's what we really focus on. when people are in the right role, they get to use their creative genius and their skillset to fulfill. The mission of their role to help fulfill the mission of the organization. And again, this goes back to expectations. When we know the expectation, we focus more on outcome, less on how somebody gets there.

And then when you're constantly having these conversations about expectations, you're learning and discovering how this person thinks and works and leads so that you can become a better coach to that person. And that they get to grow and you get to grow together.

I hope you found this episode helpful. As we always say, we put this podcast together because it was really important for us to give you the tools necessary to become a better leader, even if it's just by 1%,

we learn new things all the time. We're listening to podcasts, reading great books, doing all the things, but we have to apply what we're learning in order to grow, and so I highly recommend you. Do this exercise that Matthew talked about. Get into the room with your people, each one of them individually, have this conversation.

you're gonna have those aha moments. You're gonna experience a little bit more how your people think, and it's gonna help them grow. It's gonna help you grow as a leader, and you'll be able to accomplish a lot more incredible things together.

As always, thank you so much for listening. We hope you enjoy this podcast. If you do, please share it with a leader that you think might needs to hear this as well. Share this with your colleagues. Share this with your friends. we really want to help as many leaders as possible to.

Build a dynamic culture in their organization so people love coming to work and accomplishing great things together. Thank you so much for being part of this community and until next time, lead with culture.